Selfish

Sitting in a blue seat on the metro, I glanced over the Tamshui River across the mangroves. A fisherman’s hat with shades under the balmy sun reflected on the seemingly tranquil water near the boat. A child’s laughter echoed in my ears and I thought I saw a phantom in the middle of day…

Textmessaging several times a night didn’t make any difference, did it? When you fall in love with someone, you would probably get up at midnight dressing up and looking yourself in the mirror and wondering how the next date would be. Question is-are you willing to sacrifice a lot to be in love? Can you manage to change your lifestyle just to embrace another person’s variation in life? It’s not easy to break a mold when we come to a certain age, is it? When was the last time you tried t0 change yourself to be with someone you loved?

Neuroanatomy, the chemical substances, and all sorts of diagrams and illustrations flashed back and forth in my mind. Damn it! I still can’t get rid of the image of the person I met. Poems I wrote, essays I composed, and emotion I suppressed all conjured up a giant jigsaw puzzle for Christmas! Suddenly I recall a letter I penned down a long while back. Someone had forgotten to tie the yellow ribbon on my oak tree in the far-away Swiss garden. I collected a beautiful wine label especially for an old friend I miss a ton.

Sighing and sighing within the last ten minutes just might as well drive me crazy. Wait, maybe I am selfish because I can turn off the signals all at once if I really want to now. Do I want to? Yes, I sure do. Sorry I don’t think I can give my all to only an individual after having been through many highs and lows in life. I will set you free so as to set myself free too…