Military Days

“What’re you reading, Jersk?” asked Eric.

“Oh, it’s a novel of Amy Tan.” said I.

“The Hundred Secret Senses?”

“Yeah, it is.”

Eric and I both like to read, but he prefers reading Chinese books, especially he is preparing for the graduate school entrance exams. He majored in Chinese in university and always wanted to be a high school teacher.

“Colonel asked me to buy steak for his breakfast this morning. I don’t know what to say. The chauffer had no idea where to get it, either. It’s 6:15 am!”

I replied, “Tell him to eat shit! Freaking psycho! I don’t understand having been in the United States for a few years could make a person go nuts like that!”

“Sometimes, I wonder whether I’m really stupid, you know?”

“Why would you say that?” I asked.

“He keeps telling me I’m stupid, clumsy, and not good enough. Like yesterday, I did clean his office and meticulously make sure every leaf of the plants was clean. But this morning, he called me in and scolded me for not cleaning the office properly because there were leaves on the floor.”

“What the heck was he saying? I know you clean his office every night! And you’re not stupid! You’re one of the smartest guys I’ve ever known.” said I.

“I reckon the leaves must’ve fallen during the night. But he wouldn’t listen to me but kept shouting at me. Sigh…”

“That son of bitch! The leaves must've fallen from the ugly tree! Someday, we will teach him a real lesson!” replied I angrily.

Many a time, I would ask myself why the hell I was doing in the military. A major waste of my time in life was what it was. I despised the hierarchical system and those who still possessed the aristocratic mind-set. Were it not a compulsory service, I would never join the military. Luckily, my rear admiral was a decent guy and he respected others too. Eric was not fortunate. His colonel was a fucking jerk, a snob, and a hypocrite. In front of my boss, the admiral, he would speak softly, lowering himself, and showing his best side; once he turned his back and faced us, he would become a ferocious werewolf. Gosh, I so wanted to punch him right in the nose. No, I should get a gun with silver bullets and shoot him to a beehive.

“Don’t be sad, Eric. You only have 30 days left and will retire and probably go back to school. Think about the positive side!” said I.

“I know, but I just feel so helpless at times. I’ve tried all I can but he is just too difficult.”

“I know what we can do before you leave!” said I slyly.

“What? You got another one of your witty schemes?”

“Doesn’t Colonel have an expensive Chinese painting hung on the wall in the office?” asked I.

“Yeah, why? That painting is worth NT150,000 according to him.”

“Hmm, that’s great. We are going to leave a precious mark on it! hehe.”

So, right before Eric left, he and I wore gloves to take off the painting one night and drew a huge turtle on the back of the painting and then slid it back to the frame. More over, we slightly changed the plants to different directions as opposed to the ones that Colonel’s Feng-Shui master had indicated. Theoretically, this would bring bad luck to the colonel!

Two years later, I met Eric near his university. He successfully got into the graduate school and had been teaching Chinese in a private high school for ten months…

As for the colonel, I heard he was debugged and sent to a naval school to wait for his retirement because he was allegedly accused of having some sort of illegal trading with outsiders.